


Fool Me Once

by Bappsack



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Female Character, Clones, F/F, Identity Swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:38:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bappsack/pseuds/Bappsack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delphine is fooled again. French Leather, I guess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"No way Cos, we can't do that."  
"Oh come on, Sarah. Don't be be like that."  
"Like what?"  
"Like some stupid coward."  
"Excuse me?", Sarah said, "do I really have to remind you who constantly saved our arses?"  
"Okay, now you're being irrational. I mean, come on, it's not like you haven't tricked her before."  
"I did it for a bloody purpose and now you just want me to do it so you can have a good laugh."  
"Exactly", Cosima's signature grin spread all over her face. "Come on, it'll be fun. I promise, man."  
"I don't see the fun in there for me."  
"Just think of her face when she realises it's not me."  
"How is that funny?"  
"Come on, she played me, or kinda like all of us, for the first part of our relationship. She has earned a little payback."  
Sarah got up and paced around the couch. "What was your great master plan again?"  
"All right, listen. I've invited her over for dinner tonight, 'cause Felix is out anyway and Kira is with S and I would have kicked you out for like an hour or two until we go to her place. If you're game, I don't have to kick you out and who knows maybe she'll bring some fancy wine and you're in for little a treat." Cosima's face lit up like she had just made a ground-breaking discovery.  
"And how are we gonna cover up the fact that I don't share your taste in hairstyles. The last time it looked horrible."  
"Whoa, easy there", Cosima gave her taunting look and continued, "I've figured that out too. You'll just put on one of my beanies, the ones that cover up almost all of my hair, and you're good to go. Genius, I know." She smirked and ran her fingers through her hair.  
Sarah scoffed. "You're mental."  
"So you're gonna do it, or what?"  
"All right, but I won't take any blame if this goes wrong."  
"Yes", Cosima fist-pumped", don't worry. It wont."

"Okay she'll be here in 20 minutes. Go get changed." Cosima put down her phone and handed Sarah a pair of black skinny jeans, a black top, a multi-colored cardigan and a dark red beanie. After five minutes Sarah returned from the bathroom and all of a sudden two Cosima's stood in the apartment. Even her eye make-up was on point.  
"Awesome! It worked just like last time."  
"What did you expect? We're still identical", Sarah snorted.  
"Shut up", Cosima softly punched her shoulder. "I'll give you the glasses last, I don't feel like walking around like a blind worm longer than necessary."  
Cosima went into the bathroom and hid in the corner next to the door, thus being invisible as long as Delphine didn't need to use the bathroom. She briefed Sarah one last time. "Keep the masquerade up for at least five minutes and no tongue! That's one too far." She winked and handed her glasses over to Sarah.  
"Believe me, I wouldn't." Sarah rolled her eyes and just as she put on the glasses she heard a knock on the door.  
"Jesus Cos, how blind are you?", she whispered as she made her way to the door. She asked herself why she was doing this but then again, she had done a lot of stupid things since she had found out about her sisters and this was by far the least dangerous endeavor. She practiced the Cosima-grin once more before opening the door.  
"Hey, what's up", the American accent felt wrong in her mouth.  
"Bonsoir", Delphine said softly and leaned in for a kiss. Sarah kept her lips firmly shut as they touched Delphine's and was instantly reminded of the night she snuck into the DYAD. She chuckled a little at the thought of fooling Delphine again.  
"What's so funny?", she asked and looked directly into her eyes. For the first time Sarah noticed just how intense her gaze was and swallowed. "Uhm, nothing. I was just… whatever. Sorry about that, I'm a little tired." She turned away from Delphine and walked towards the couch.  
"But you've had a day off."  
"Yeah I know, I just did a lot of reading today about… stuff. You know", she turned towards her again and flashed her pearly whites.  
Meanwhile in the bathroom Cosima shook her head and suppressed a laugh. She would never read about 'stuff.' However, she had to give Sarah credit for her accent. It would have fooled anyone.  
Luckily, Delphine didn't go into detail about the stuff her girlfriend was reading, instead she wondered about their dinner plan.  
"Well…", Cosima hadn't briefed her about that. Sarah's mind went blank for a second but then she got back on track. "We could order something from the pizza place around the corner or there's some leftover lasagna in the fridge, I… Sarah made some."  
"Since when does she cook?", Delphine looked puzzled.  
Sarah was just about to say 'Excuse me!' but she contained herself and kept on going. "She was cooking with Kira yesterday. I was like their first attempt but I've tried some and it was great, trust me. She's a real chef. As she would say, it was bloody awesome."  
The real Cosima was amazed at how effortlessly Sarah switched between the accents. She would be absolutely screwed if she ever had to impersonate one of her sisters. 

"Okay then, let's try it", Delphine said. "Are you sure she won't mind?"  
"Nah, she'll be alright", Sarah said wandering to the kitchen.  
Delphine followed her and passed the bathroom door very closely but she did not detect Cosima hiding in the corner. Sarah did not pay much attention to her guest and proceeded to take her dish out of the fridge and put it into the oven.  
"Oh bl.. fucking hell, Felix", she exclaimed as she opened it and found Felix' secret stash of cocaine. "Sorry, about that, I've been telling him forever to find another hiding spot." She took the coke and put it in one of the drawers underneath a pot.  
Delphine just smirked and stepped behind Sarah as she put the dish in the oven. When she closed the door and rose up to full height again, she felt Delphine's body directly behind her. Cosima's girlfriend put her hands around her and rested her chin on her shoulder.  
"What are you doing?", Sarah stuttered. For some reason Delphine's touch wasn't all that bad.  
"What aren't you doing?", she breathed in her ear, "we haven't had the loft to ourselves in a while."  
"Woah, okay. I see where you're going with this."  
Slowly, Delphine started to kiss her neck and pressed her body against Sarah's back. For Sarah's usual taste this would cross a million lines but somehow she was unable to withdraw herself from the situation. Completely taken aback she let everything happen and eventually found herself in a passionate kiss with Cosima's girlfriend. Delphine fumbled at her cardigan and deepened the kiss. Cosima's kissing rule was heavily violated. It felt like Sarah's body was responding automatically. She moved her hands to Delphine's cheeks and pulled her in closer. 

Cosima had left her hiding spot the moment she heard Delphine saying 'What aren't you doing'. She slowly tiptoed to the door frame of the bathroom and peeped through the fringy curtain. She had to squint her eyes to make up for the lack of her glasses. In the beginning it was somewhat funny seeing her girlfriend being fooled by Sarah but as soon as Sarah started reciprocating Delphine's touches her stomach twisted.  
She stepped through the curtain, arms crossed. "Well I guess this is awkward."


	2. Chapter 2

Sarah's body froze. She had completely forgotten about Cosima being in the bathroom. Delphine broke their kiss, shrugged and incredulously looked from the real Cosima to Sarah. Her hands still rested on Sarah's hips when reality hit her in the face. "OH MY GOD!", she exclaimed and almost jumped backwards, away from Sarah.   
The three women silently stood in the loft and looked from one person to the other. The tension was palpable.   
"I've got to get out of here," Sarah finally broke the silence. She yanked the beanie from her head and placed Cosima's glasses on the kitchen counter. Grabbing her leather jacket from a nearby chair she stormed out of the loft banging the door shut behind her.  
"Woah", was all Cosima could bring forth.  
Delphine was still lost for words. She shook her head in disbelief and ran the back of her hand across her mouth over and over. Slowly, she started pacing to the kitchen window turning her back to Cosima.  
"Look man, I'm sorry. I… This… It was a stupid idea. I thought it would be funny to…", Cosima rambled.  
"Funny?", Delphine snapped still facing the window.   
"Yeah, I thought…"  
"You didn't think anything, Cosima! Can you even begin imagine how I feel? Do you think it's funny that I kissed your sister like that? Do you think this is funny for me?"  
"No", she responded tonelessly. "But I mean, like," she paused and grinned," I told you that you need to love all of us."   
It was to early for jokes.  
"Tais-toi!," it was almost a hiss.   
"Sorry?"  
"I SAID, SHUT UP!", Delphine was yelling now.  
Cosima ducked her head in fright. Delphine had never yelled at her like that before. Ever bit of kindness had left her eyes. Cosima bit her lower lip and slowly walked to the kitchen counter. Delphine noticed her movement. "Don't you dare touch me right now!"  
"I was just getting my glasses", Cosima said quietly. "Look, I'm really sorry. You have to cut me some slack, all I wanted to do was prank you and have a good laugh about it. No one could have known Sarah was that much of a killer actress."  
Delphine chuckled, "Oh I know that, and you should too. Have you forgotten the night she came to the DYAD dressed as you? Do you think I enjoyed that?"  
"No but…"  
"But what? You made sure to put me through that again?"  
"No, but the last time she had a purpose", Cosima found herself repeating Sarah's words. She had been right about this after all.   
Delphine scoffed.  
"What?" Cosima said irritable.  
Delphine breathed heavily. "I'm sorry Cosima, I have to go. I can't do this right now. I'll call you." She gently stroked Cosima's shoulder, gathered her belongings and left, without banging the door. Cosima watched her leave and the same nauseous feeling she had, when she saw Delphine kiss Sarah, returned.   
"Fuck."

After she had slammed the door shut Sarah wandered around the streets of Toronto aimlessly. Cosima's clothes felt wrong on her and the scent of Delphine's perfume still stung in her nose. She went through her pockets for some cigarettes but only found a broken lighter.  
"Shit," she whispered and tossed the lighter on the street where it broke in two. Her mind was racing, still unable to process everything that had just happened. She had made out with her sisters girlfriend and she liked it! Her experimental school days were long over and even then she had only made out with girls after the fourth beer, if ever. Kissing a girl never meant anything to her. It felt like her own body had betrayed her. The last time she had felt this way while kissing someone, was when she had kissed Cal after their first date. Hectically she produced her phone from her pocket and dialed Felix' number. Of course, when she really needed him his obnoxious mailbox answered.   
"Damn you", she gnarled. Just when she was about to put her phone back, it started buzzing. But it wasn't Felix who called.  
"Cos, I don't want to talk. Not right now, okay. I'll call you." She didn't wait for an answer and hung up. It was a perfect night for wandering around the city, the wind was biting her face and she started to feel raindrops on her skin. The drops soon turned into a downpour and she found herself running to a bus stop. "Oh for fucks sake", she exclaimed and sat down on the small bench, next to a woman who gave her a condescending look she pretended not to notice. The woman demonstratively shifted her body away from Sarah, whose pulse slowly started to raise. She looked around and found an open convenience store at the corner of the street.   
Even the ten seconds it took her to reach the entrance were enough to soak her. Inside she settled for cheap whiskey, cheap cigarettes and a new lighter.  
"Rough night?", the guy behind the counter asked.  
"What's it look like, huh?" She grabbed everything and went to a house entrance next to the shop. Still shaking from anger she lit the cigarette and opened the alcohol. To outsiders she looked like a hooker or a homeless person, maybe both. She took a long drag and exhaled. The scenario reminded her of her time in England where she had spent the majority of her days like this, ignoring responsibilities and damaging her body. She chuckled at the irony of the situation. As soon as she started to replay the incident it felt like she could feel the kiss again. She saw Delphine's face when she realized what had happened and the glance she had given her before she stormed out of the loft. Shuddering she took another sip of whiskey. It was still pouring down and she started to get cold again when a black car pulled up in the curb in front of her.  
"Get in", a familiar voice said.


	3. Chapter 3

"Have you been following me?," Sarah asked as she got in the car.  
"No. Actually I'm on my way home."  
"Oh, okay. Did you fight?"  
Delphine didn't answer right away.   
"Sorry, if I'm intrusive. Nevermind," Sarah added  
"It's fine. We didn't fight much. I just can't be around her right now," Delphine answered.  
"Same."  
"So, is there anywhere I can drop you off? Wait, Sarah have you been drinking?," Delphine had just smelled a whiff of alcohol and for the first time since Sarah had gotten in the car she looked over to her, "my goodness, you're soaking wet." She immediately turned up the heating and tried to ignore the bottle between Sarah's legs.   
"Thanks", Sarah nodded towards the dashboard, "I would have said to drop me off at S's but, like you've already observed I've been drinking. So that's out."  
"What's Felix' doing?"  
"Not a bastard clue. All I got was his mailbox."  
"Great," Delphine groaned.  
"Hey. You didn't have to pick me up in the first place!"  
Delphine hit the breaks unnecessarily hard and the car behind them honked furiously. "Fine. Get out if you like."  
Sarah looked out of the window where it was still pouring buckets. She sighed, "Whatever, just take me to yours, I'll get a cab as soon as I've reached Fe."  
Delphine accelerated and the car zoomed over the downtown highway.

When they stepped out of the elevator Sarah couldn't help but admire the place. It looked more like a hotel than an apartment complex to her. She had brought her whiskey just in case, despite Delphine's judgmental glances. As the door to the apartment was unlocked, Sarah let out a small whistle. "Wow, I should have stayed in school." She walked down the hallway and mindlessly dropped her leather jacket on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter, gaping around. Delphine noticed that, and gave her an insistent look.  
"What?" Sarah asked  
"You just walked past the wardrobe."  
"Seriously? I'll be here for like thirty minutes."  
"Okay fine, whatever, at least put a coaster under that bottle. They're on your right next to the microwave." Delphine disappeared into what appeared to be her bedroom.   
Grudgingly, Sarah took a coaster and opened a few cupboards until she found a glass. She got comfy at the counter and poured herself a drink. After trying to reach her brother for the fourth time she smacked her phone on the marble surface and exhaled. It started to look like she might stay a little longer than expected. Delphine didn't reappear for another 15 minutes. Every now and then Sarah was wondering if she had just gone to bed but then the bedroom door opened. Delphine stepped out wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. Her curls were up in a bun and her make-up was completely washed off. The sight was so unusual and in a weird way attractive to Sarah that she couldn't help but grin.  
"Why are you smiling at me?," Delphine asked. Sarah was unable to read her countenance.   
"I'm not. It's just, you look so different in that. I mean, I've encountered Dr. Cormier a few times but never Delphine-Sleepyhead."  
"Oh shut up," she involuntarily grinned back at her and helped herself to a glass of water. "Have you reached Felix?"  
"Nope."  
Delphine stood on the opposite side of the counter and held her glass. She traced its rim with her finger and awkwardly looked around.  
"Pretty classy place you got," Sarah said.  
"Yes, it's not too bad."  
Sarah poured another glas of whiskey. Slowly, she was starting to feel its effect. Delphine followed the movement of the bottle with her eyes and Sarah noticed. "Want some?," she asked.  
"No… I'm good."  
"Are you sure? There's still plenty left."  
"Do you want to get me drunk?"  
"Of course not. I'd rather sit here with you, making awkward smalltalk until my idiot brother calls me back ," Sarah smirked.   
"Formidable", she emptied her water and slid the glass across the counter.   
Before pouring Sarah looked up and said, "Are you really sure, it's the super cheap stuff. Judging after this place you're probably not used to it. And also, you probably want to get a coaster for that."

Delphine didn't mind the cheap stuff and after half an hour the bottle was empty.   
"Well, I guess this is it," Sarah mumbled, "I better try Fe again." She squinted at her phone and dialed.   
"Fucking hell. Fe, if your getting this you better call me right away."   
Delphine giggled.   
"That's not funny. The booze is empty and I'm stuck here."  
"Well, what if I tell you it's not?", Delphine said raising one eyebrow. She was well aware that she was drunk but the evening had turned out to be not as bad as it started and she didn't feel like ending it just yet.  
"Bring it here, Cormier!" Sarah hooted.   
Delphine paused before opening the bottle. She collected her words and looked directly into Sarah's eyes, "Are you really sure? It's the super expensive stuff." The more she drank the thicker her French accent got.  
"Funny, I never thought you'd have a humorous side to you."  
"You are such a brat," Delphine repeated the words she had said to Cosima at their first in-official date but the alcohol made her forget that temporarily.  
Sarah took a sip and looked at her opposite admiringly. "Oh wow, they really gave you the good stuff, didn't they?"  
"Oui, I admit, working for the DYAD sure has it's perks", she winked.   
"And now you're wasting it on me."  
"There's more where this came from."  
"Of course there is. Seems like they don't half-ass things with their employees," she said tapping on the marble countertop.  
Delphine didn't respond. She supported her head with her hands and leaned on the counter, looking at Sarah.   
"What are you looking at? Stop!"  
"Why did you do it?," the question had been burning on Delphine's lips ever since Sarah had gotten in her car.  
"Why did I do what?"  
"Why did you agree to her prank?"  
It took a second for Sarah process the question. She swallowed and shifted her sitting position.  
"Well, she almost bullied me into doing it. Seriously, I though it was a bad idea from the beginning. I hated everything about it. I'm serious," she was talking so fast, she had to pause to catch her breath," it's not my fault, she just wouldn't shut up about it. Look, it made me uncomfortable too."  
"Okay."  
"What, that's all? You're okay with it?"  
"Technically it's not you fault. I was just wondering why you did it."  
"Okay."  
Sarah looked to the ground, holding her glass with both hands. She could feel the words burning on her tongue and she knew what she could kick off should she say them.   
The alcohol made her brave.   
"Did you feel it too?", she asked looking up.  
"Feel what?", Delphine's eyes seemed to piece her.  
"Nevermind, forget it," she clumsily got up from the stool and grabbed her jacket. "I should get going." She started walking towards the door.  
"Tell me!," it wasn't a request it was a command.  
Sarah jerked to a halt. She was torn between making a run for it and letting everything play by ear. Her bravery conquered her cowardice. She turned around facing Delphine. "Don't play stupid, you know exactly what I'm talking about."  
Delphine knew.   
She got up from her stool and walked towards Sarah who clutched her jacket a little tighter, crossing her arms before her body. Delphine stopped right in front of her, looking into her eyes. Sarah couldn't help it, she looked at her lips and then at her eyes and her lips again.   
Delphine reached out to her, stroking her cheek gently.  
"Don't," Sarah breathed.  
Delphine stopped.  
"We can't do this," Sarah's words were a mere whisper.  
"I know," Delphine said and slowly leaned in. Sarah felt her breath on her skin and was unable to keep her guard up any longer. Her jacket fell to the floor and she reciprocated the kiss. Delphine's hands were buried in her hair. Her hands found the hem of Delphine's hoodie and she began fumbling at it. Suddenly, Sarah found herself pressed against the wall. The cardigan had followed the leather jacket to the floor and Delphine was already pulling at the fabric of her black top.   
"Delphine…," Sarah didn't know if she uttered the name because she was still hesitant or out of sheer arousal, her body didn't obey her anymore. She had washed her doubts down with the whiskey and now she got what she had wanted since she got in the car.  
"What?," Delphine breathed and broke the kiss. She had her hands wrapped around Sarah's neck and seemed to be scanning her face.  
This was it, Sarah's last chance to not let this escalate completely. She stared back into brown eyes and, as if she had done it a million times, ran her hand softly across Delphine's cheek and along her jawline. Delphine closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. Sarah felt her whole body tremble at the sight. She never thought this would happen. A small part in her still fought to do the right thing. But she had lost that battle a long time ago.


	4. Chapter 4

Delphine was waiting for her coffee to be done. Images of last night still still flashed through her mind. Everything had escalated completely, not that she hadn't been aware of the risk she took when she allowed Sarah to come to her apartment. Sarah's perfume still stung in her nose, reminding her of the betrayal. She was amazed by the fact that two genetically identical organisms could be so different. Their bodies looked the exact same, except for Cosima's tattoo's, but felt entirely different. It was hard to believe that their DNA was one hundred percent identical. Nothing about Sarah reminded her of her girlfriend. Even though she wore Cosima's signature eyeliner and her clothes. Her eyes looked different, her gaze more intense and her kisses more demanding. She spoke differently, her voice a little throatier than Cosima's. Delphine had expected her to be confident but she was surprised at just how confident she was. She took what she wanted, her hands exploring Delphine's body eagerly, almost a little rough. She had never noticed all those small details before. From a distance the clones of Project Leda all looked the same but after comparing two subjects that close their distinctions were unmistakable.   
Delphine let her eyes wander. The evidence of last night was visible everywhere. The empty whiskey bottles still stood on the counter, Sarah's leather jacket and Cosima's cardigan were still lying on the floor in the hallway and Sarah Manning herself was still asleep in her bed. Delphine didn't dare to wake her up in fear of the awkward conversation that would doubtlessly ensue. Her plan was to jump into the shower the moment she heard her guest move. There were still two hours left before she had to be at the DYAD. Nervously, she checked her phone but so far there were no missed calls or texts from her girlfriend. Their next encounter would definitely have been awkward but she had worsened the situation significantly.   
There was still no noise from the bedroom when she had finished her first cup, so she decided to take a peek. She tiptoed to the bedroom and carefully opened the door. Sarah was still wrapped in the sheets of her king sized bed. Her hair formed a strong contrast to the white sheets. She was lying on her stomach, her shoulders and upper back visible. Delphine noticed her even breathing and let her eyes wander over the woman in her bed. She made a mental note to call her housekeeper later to have her change the sheets before she came home tonight. She couldn't take any risks should Cosima come to her place unannounced. With her hand resting on the door handle she allowed herself one last look before closing the bedroom door a little louder than necessary. Quickly, she rushed into the bathroom, carefully listening for any signs of Sarah leaving the apartment. 

Sarah's body tensed as she heard the bedroom door open. She had been awake for a little while, thinking of an acceptable way to make an exit, possibly without encountering Delphine. When the door snapped shut she got up quietly as soon as she heard Delphine's footsteps fade away.   
"Oh for fucks sake," she whispered as she dug through the bedsheets looking for her underwear. Eventually, she found it on Delphine's side of the bed, whereas her pants and top were next to the door. Having successfully managed to dress herself she proceeded to check her phone. Numerous missed calls from Felix and a text from him apologizing for not picking up. She decided to deal with him as soon as she was out of the apartment.   
The sound of running water reassured her that the coast was clear and she stepped out of the bedroom. When she saw the whiskey bottles a smirk flashed over her face. She picked up the cardigan and jacket, checking for her purse and keys. After one last glance to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything she left, closing the door quietly. 

"What in the seven hells happened last night?," Felix asked as she entered the loft. He was lounging on the sofa sipping on a cup of tea.  
"Jesus Fe, I could ask you the same. Why didn't you pick up?"  
"I was busy."  
"Yeah, I can tell," Sarah scoffed looking at his string vest and leather pants. "Did you have a good night at least?"  
"Can't complain," he pursed his lips and took another sip of tea. "How about you?"  
"Is Cosima home?"  
"She went to work when I came home, why?"  
"Okay, 'cause I need to tell you something."

"Oh. My. God. Sarah, you bitch!"  
After Sarah was done with her recount of last nights events she leaned back and threw her hands up in despair. "I know, I know. I feel like absolute garbage."  
"You should. I mean, of all people… her! Jesus, Sarah," he paused," Cosima can never know."  
"Believe me, I'd rather cut my tongue out."  
"I mean, I don't mind you whoring around, you've always done that, but you really did cross a line there. And I don't mean just you, the both of you!"  
"I don't know what to do, Fe."  
"Forget about it of course. Forget that it ever happened, never mention it to anyone. Ever!"  
"I'm not sure I can do that."  
"Of course you can. The first few weeks will be awkward, but after a while…I mean, I would try not to make a huge deal out of it."  
"That's not what I mean," Sarah responded.  
"Well, what do you mean?," he asked  
She didn't answer right away. Felix looked at her face but she kept avoiding his eyes.  
"Sarah, what is it? Please don't tell me you fucked up even harder."  
"I don't know how to say it."  
"Say what? Come on, I'm your brother."  
She took a deep breath. "I liked it, all of it. I want to do it again and I hate myself for that. There, I said it." She got up and started pacing the loft, nervously fumbling with her hair.   
"Well… that…complicates things," was all Felix could say.   
"I don't know what to do Fe, I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean, I can't possibly do this. She's with Cosima. Cosima loves her like crazy!"  
"That she does," Felix slightly rolled his eyes.  
"What kind of person would I be? But at the same time… my goodness, Fe… when I got into that car, I meant for all of this to happen. I wanted it. I interfered with my sisters relationship on bloody purpose. But I couldn't help myself…I…I…I just couldn't," she started sobbing.  
"There, there," Felix got up pulled her into a tight hug. "It's okay. I'm here."  
"What is happening with me? Isn't it enough that I'm part of a stupid human cloning experiment. Do I really have to fall for the girlfriend of one of my clones?"  
"Fall for her?," Felix looked into her eyes in bewilderment. "Is it really that bad?"  
"I have no idea. I usually fall for men. I have no idea what it feels like to fall for a girl."  
"Well I'm not an expert when it comes to falling for people, but I suppose it feels the same regardless of gender."  
"I can't be gay, Fe. I have a child."  
"Just because you think you're falling for a woman doesn't make you gay. I had a thing for a girl once, turns out I wasn't straight."  
"Oh shut up," Sarah chuckled and punched him in the shoulder.  
"And as far a Kira is concerned, I wouldn't worry, she's growing up in a very colorful family," he added.  
"But…," Sarah was lost for words.  
"But what?"  
"I don't think I can look Cosima in the eye ever again."  
"Honestly, I don't see the good in telling her. Like I said, give it time and maybe talk to Delphine. I can't imagine she's feeling any better about all of this. Oh and maybe don't bring whiskey this time."


	5. Chapter 5

"Monkey! Come on, bedtime," Sarah yelled. Whenever it got uncomfortably close to Kira's bedtime she hid somewhere in the loft. "Come on, Kira. I'm tired." Suddenly Sarah heard a rustling behind her. The bin under the kitchen counter trembled suspiciously. She smiled and sneaked towards it.  
"Gotcha," she exclaimed and pulled her daughter from behind the bin. They both laughed and Sarah carried her to bed.  
"I don't wanna go to sleep, mommy."  
"I know, but it's late."  
"Just five more minutes, pleeease."  
"You've had five more minutes for half an hour. But how about I'll read you an extra chapter from your book?"  
"Okay."  
They both got comfy in Kira's bed and she nestled up to her mothers chest. Shortly, after they had finished the first chapter Sarah heard the loft's door open. She was strongly hoping that it was Felix but the rhythm of the bouncy steps left no doubt that her sister was home from work. Sarah shrugged but continued to read. Ten minutes later Cosima's head appeared in the doorframe.  
"Are you coming out later?," she mouthed because Kira's eyes were already closed. Sarah nodded and continued reading. Her heart was racing and she couldn't focus on the words anymore. Why did she want her to come out? Did she know? Did Delphine tell her? It seemed like the conversation with Felix had been weeks ago, when in fact it had just been this morning.  
Carefully, not to wake Kira, she produced her phone from the pocket of her jeans, but there were no texts or calls and she doubted that Delphine had talked to Cosima without letting her know. Then again Dr Cormier was unpredictable sometimes.  
"Okay, monkey. I'm going now. Sleep tight," she kissed her daughter on the forehead and put the book on the nightstand. "I love you." 

Cosima was lying on the couch with her laptop on her stomach watching a TV show and snacking on some nachos with cheese. As soon as she noticed Sarah she shut her laptop and jumped up.  
"Long night at work?," Sarah asked.  
"Yeah kinda. Listen… uhm, do you have a minute or two?"  
"Sure," Sarah smiled but her insides were squirming.  
"Okay. About last night…"  
"It's fine, Cos. Really, don't worry. I've already forgotten about it."  
"It's not fine, Sarah. I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry for the shit I've put you through. I really am."  
"Don't worry. It's okay. I promise. It's nothing."  
Cosima stepped closer, wrapped her arms around Sarah and rested her head on her shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered. Sarah didn't respond but patted her back and fought the tears that stung in her eyes. Part of her was relieved that Cosima didn't know, but the other part was disgusted with herself for pretending nothing else had happened.  
"Have you talked to Delphine?," Cosima asked and adjusted her glasses.  
"No," her answer was too quick and a little too loud, it would have made anyone suspicious so she added, "Have you?," in a hushed tone.  
"No, not a chance. She's been avoiding me all day. Instead of talking to me she had Scott deliver messages. I don't know what got into her. I mean, yeah, it was a stupid prank, but completely ignoring me? I mean, come on!"  
"Yeah. Absolutely. Have you tried to call her?"  
"Rejected all my calls, all fucking day. I don't know what to do. I thought about just driving by her place after work, but that's kinda creepy. Maybe she just needs a little more time."  
Sarah swallowed and went into the kitchen. "Fancy some tea?"  
"Sure. Wait, since when do you drink tea?"  
"I'm British, you moron."  
"Still, I've seen you drink tea like two times."  
"My stomach is a little funny."  
"Oh okay. By the way, have you been out late last night?"  
"Yeah. I needed some space. Why?," Sarah said.  
"Where have you been? I don't think I heard you get back in."  
"At S's, we've talked pretty much all night," she was surprised at how easy the lies came over her lips.  
"Have you told her?," Cosima's eyes widened in shock.  
"Of course not. Are you insane?," Sarah responded.  
"Do you think I should call her though?," Cosima asked. She had been silent for a little while and Sarah saw the question built up in her head.  
"Who, Delphine?," she pretended to play dumb.  
"Yeah."  
"What? Now?"  
"Yeah, I have a bad feeling about all of this. I feel like I should be the one making the first move. It's all my fault."  
"It's not all your fault. I agreed to this. But, yeah, maybe it is better if you call her." As much as she wanted her not to call, it definitely would have made her suspicious. She felt nauseous as she poured the boiling water into their cups.  
They drank their tea in silence and Sarah could see Cosima's head spinning with indecision. She didn't dare to say anything so she just sat beside her sister and cradled her back. It was inevitable, she had to talk to Delphine but she had no idea what to say. The turmoil was almost unbearable. Before, she had never understood what Cosima saw in Delphine, her accent was pretentious and her ethical values more than problematic. On top of that her hair was just too much of everything, how did those damned curls do what they did? Her mind wandered and she caught herself thinking of burying her hands in them. After last night she understood perfectly well why Cosima fell for her almost instantly. But it wasn't just the sex, the way she talked with her hands and how she bit her lower lip when she was embarrassed. The way she said words questioningly when she wasn't sure how to pronounce them. Sarah definitely was falling for her. It had been the same way with Cal back then. Their breakup had almost crushed her and she wasn't sure if she wanted to feel like that ever again. But she also wasn't sure if there was a choice. After Cal, she had sworn never to surrender herself to someone emotionally. The relationship with Vic had been a farce from start to finish. The coke was easy money and Vic had his sweet moments, even though they were scarce. She had never loved him, maybe as friend but never as partner. She chuckled involuntarily when she though about Vic's stupidity.  
"What's up?," Cosima looked up from her cup.  
"Nothing, I just thought about Vic."  
"Oh, good old Vic. What's he doing now anyways?"  
"Probably sleeping behind a dumpster. I have no idea and I couldn't care less."  
They both laughed and Cosima leaned her head on Sarah's shoulder. "I'm really glad we've found each other, Sarah."  
"Me too", she stared into empty space and put her arm around Cosima, "me too."

Delphine sighed and closed her laptop. She had stayed late on purpose, making sure she didn't run into Cosima in the parking garage. But apparently Cosima had thought the same. When Delphine stepped out of the elevator she head footsteps in the distance. As soon as she recognized Cosima she slowed down and hid behind a large van. She felt childish but then again she had no idea how to approach her. Of course she couldn't avoid her forever but at least until she had a clear game plan. The drive back home was quiet, usually Cosima was sitting in the passenger seat, frenetically talking about something she wanted to share with her.  
When she arrived in her apartment the emptiness struck her. She hadn't been alone in here for quite a while. The events of last night replayed in her head again and she went to the bedroom to make sure her housekeeper had changed the sheets. There was still a faint whiff of Sarah's perfume in the air when she opened the door but the white sheets were changed to light grey ones. After changing into something comfortable she turned on the TV and watched a re-run of a show she had seen ages ago. Her mind wandered and she found herself thinking about wether or not to call Cosima. After all she owed it to her, talking to her through Scott had been childish of course, but she couldn't bare to look her in they eyes, not yet. Those faithful eyes, framed by the dark rim of her glasses, those eyes that looked at her as if she were something magical. All of a sudden the glasses disappeared and the image in her mind changed to the same pair of brown eyes that looked at her intensely, demanding, almost threatening. She shrugged. There was no way she could talk to her girlfriend before the Sarah-Situation wasn't resolved. With a shaking hand she picked up her phone and dialed. 

Sarah's stomach dropped when she saw the caller ID on her phone. She was still sitting on the couch with Cosima who had convinced her sister to watch an episode of her favorite TV show. All this time her phone rested in her hand with the display facing up. Quickly, she turned the phone and rejected the call. Luckily, Cosima was too invested in what happened on the screen to notice Sarah's little panic attack. Sarah felt nauseous. What could Delphine want? Was it possible she was waiting outside?  
"Uhm, Cos? Would you be mad if I stepped outside for a little while? I think I need some air."  
"Is your stomach still funny?"  
"Yeah, a little. But that show's not bad, really. We should absolutely watch it again."  
"Sure, no problem. Do you want me to come with you?"  
"No, I'm all right. Thanks. I'll be back soon."  
Sarah grabbed her jacket and closed the door quietly. As soon as she was out of earshot she took out her phone. It only rang twice before Delphine picked up.  
"Sarah?"  
"Yeah, it's me. Why did you call?"  
"Are you alone?"  
"Yes. Of course," she snapped.  
"Please, I don't have time for this. We need to talk, in person."  
"Okay. Why in person?"  
"I don't want to do this one the phone." Something inside of Sarah was incredibly glad that she had just said this. Against her will a small glimmer of hope emerged at the thought of seeing Delphine alone again. She knew it was more than foolish but she couldn't help it. Her voice softened, "Do you want me to come over?" She sounded like a stupid teenager.  
"No," Delphine's answer was cold. "Can you come to the DYAD?"  
"Sure."  
"Okay. Meet me at the entrance in thirty minutes."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry that this is late. Real life happened. Also, I'm not 100 percent happy with this but I hope you'll like it anyway.

'No no no no no no no no no no no.' Delphine's answer was ringing in her ears. The determination in her voice unmistakable. Her answer was sharp and hard-hitting. Sarah had felt the rejection in her tone and it hurt. Delphine did not want her to come to her place again. And who was she to blame her for that? The whole concept of them repeating last nights events was ridiculous, Sarah was well aware of that and yet the thought was somehow implanted in her brain. She thought about Cosima sitting in the loft watching TV, completely oblivious, and felt like she was about to vomit.  
She got on the bus to the east side of the city. It would take about thirty-five minutes to get to the DYAD so she wouldn't make it in time.  
'Will be 5 minutes late, hope that's okay', she typed into her phone. A simple 'OK' was the answer. Dr Cormier was brief tonight and the briefness severely contributed to Sarah's nervousness. She ran through a few possible scenarios in her mind and considered some things she planned on saying but ultimately she decided to wing it. How was she supposed to keep her cool after what had happened anyway? One lip bite would very likely be enough to topple over her whole construct. This was not the Sarah she knew. She felt weak and insincere. How could one person put her in the situation of questioning almost everything about who she really was? Betraying one of her sisters again was completely out of the question. But so was withdrawing from Delphine. She simply couldn't bear the thought of not being close to her in some way. But how could she act normal around her after everything that happened? For a split second she thought about going back to England and leaving everything behind again but she couldn't leave Kira, or Felix, or S, or Alison, or Helena, or Cosima.  
It was ten minutes past their agreed time and Sarah nervously walked towards the glass entrance. Everything was deserted and the well lit glass doors did not show anybody waiting in the lobby. Right when she started to wonder where Delphine could be her phone buzzed. 'I'm in my office, 5th floor, 3rd door to your right.'  
Sarah didn't bother to respond.  
The night guard eyed her suspiciously probably because she didn't look like DYAD's usual employees, with her black boots and old jeans, which had certainly seen better days and her leather jacket on top of a black sweatshirt. At least her hair was in a presentable state. She nodded towards the large man and strutted to the elevator.  
"Not so fast, Miss?," she heard a deep voice boom behind her. With her back facing the guard she rolled her eyes and turned around. "I have an appointment with Dr Cormier."  
"At this time?"  
"Yes."  
"Well then, I'm sure Dr Cormier can confirm that."  
"I'm sure she can," the distinct arrogance in her voice was unmistakable.  
He picked up the phone behind a small counter and after less than a minute Sarah was in the elevator not without bidding a conceited farewell to her new friend. 

Thankfully, Delphine's office door wasn't made out of glass, so she couldn't see Sarah pacing in front of it several times and exhaling one last time before pressing the handle down.  
The moment their eyes met Sarah's stomach jolted. Delphine's face didn't move an inch she just held Sarah's gaze as she looked up from her desk. They observed each other waiting for the other one to speak.  
"So. Here I am. What do you want?," Sarah couldn't bear the silence anymore.  
Delphine didn't answer. She kept a straight face and started to toy with the pen in her hand.  
"Funny that I've never been in here", Sarah almost stuttered. She had never been good at smalltalk. "I guess there was never an appropriate occasion," she added nervously.  
Delphine still did not answer.  
"Okay, what's going on here?," Sarah scoffed. "Did you invite me to some sort of weird stare down. Look, I have no idea what to do about all of this. I don't even know why you asked me to come here. There is nothing to talk about. We fucked up. That's it."  
"Why did you agree to her idea?," Delphine's voice was strident.  
"What?"  
"Cosima's 'prank'?," her voice was drenched in contempt, "why did you agree to it?"  
Sarah shrugged, "She talked me into it more or less. She just wouldn't shut up about it."  
"And that made you agree with it?"  
"I guess? You know how she can be."  
"But still, Sarah. How could you?," she raised her voice.  
"Hey, woah! I think we both know that we're not talking about what happened in the loft. And I'm not the only person to blame for this shit."  
"But you started it."  
"Excuse? Me? I wasn't the one picking me up and inviting me to your place. I wasn't the one calling me back when I was about to leave. I wasn't the one pulling me into the bedroom."  
Delphine's mouth became a thin line and she closed her eyes exhaling loudly. "Seriously?," she almost laughed. "Are you serious? It was you who offered me the whiskey, it was you who addressed the tension and it was you who started all of this."  
"It fucking did not! I said 'nevermind' and walked to the door. Delphine this is childish. It's our fault this happened. We called each others bloody bluff."  
"But…"  
"But what? That's how it happened. Do you think I feel good about this? After all, I'm the one living with Cosima."  
"Don't say her name," Delphine hissed.  
"What, you can't handle to hear her name? Let me tell you something. After she got home from work today, she thanked me for not being mad at her for all of this and she thanked me for being there for her. Can you even begin to imagine how that feels? She feels bad for what she did, can you imag.…"  
"Stop it, please." Delphine rubbed her eyes and sunk into her chair.  
"What have I done?," it was a mere whisper but Sarah heard it. It hurt to see her like that and for a second she thought about comforting her but she thought better of it. Delphine suppressed the tears that were starting to built up. She turned her chair a little so that she wasn't facing Sarah anymore.  
"I'm sorry. That came out a little more harsh than I intended," Sarah said.  
"It's fine," was all Delphine could manage. "Now, Sarah…," she started but eventually the tears prevailed and she sunk down into her chair, sobbing.  
Sarah couldn't bear to see her crying. She stepped forward and bent down in front of Delphine's chair resting her hands on Delphine's thighs who twitched at Sarah's touch.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." She cradled her thigh, trying to find her eyes. But Delphine had her face covered by her hands trying to control the sobs. Eventually, she turned her chair away from Sarah, whose hands sunk to her sides. Delphine wiped her eyes a few times before getting up an turning towards her. Her face was still reddened and Sarah could see a tear glistening on her cheek. She expected her to say something along the lines of leaving her office and never contacting her again but instead she just looked at her. Sarah looked back feeling her pulse accelerate. The silence was deafening and all the unspoken words hung in the space between them. Delphine inhaled and slightly opened her mouth but the words died on her tongue. Instead she just stared into the oh so familiar brown eyes looking for answers.  
"Do you want me to go?," croaked Sarah, barely managing to keep her voice from cracking.  
Silence.  
"Look, Delphine. You have to talk to me here, okay? I can't do this alone," she was almost pleading.  
"You know, I…I felt it."  
"What?," Sarah squinted. "I'm sorry, what the bloody hell are you talking about?"  
"Last night, in my apartment, when you asked me if I felt it too and I didn't respond. And then, well you know what happened afterwards. But yes, I did feel it and I'm ashamed that I did, ashamed that I've let things get this far."  
"Oh, okay," Sarah nodded as if she was just realizing the full extent of Delphine's words, "you're ashamed. I absolutely get it."  
"I think it's for the best if you and I keep our contact to a minimum, after all I'm Cosima's monitor and not yours. Technically there's no need for us to speak to each other."  
Sarah's jaws were grinding and anger rose in her chest. Without breaking the eye contact she planted herself in front of Delphine, intentionally violating her personal space. "Have you lost your mind? Do you think Cosima is stupid, and yes, I will say her name. Get it together for fucks sake," she paused and fought to keep her countenance. "She already thinks something is off, I can tell by the way she acts around me. Do you honestly think that if we stop talking and acting weird around each other that she will suspect nothing. Are you really that naive?"  
"Does she know you're here now?"  
"Of course not, I'm not a complete idiot."  
"Well I wouldn't be so sure," Delphine said and the corners of her mouth faintly tilted upwards.  
"Oh just shut it." Sarah was just about to take a few steps back because the proximity was making her uncomfortable when she noticed Delphine step a little closer. They instantly found each others eyes. As though controlled by someone else Sarah moved one hand to Delphine's waist and in response Delphine brushed her hand against Sarah's cheek.  
"We're making everything worse?," Sarah whispered tightening the grip around Delphine's waist.  
"I know," was she faint response.  
The kiss wasn't as passionate, demanding and uncontrolled as last nights' but rather careful and much more intimate. It almost felt like they were testing out how far they could take it with the other one.  
"You're trembling," Delphine whispered.  
"I am not," Sarah murmured and moved a definitely shaky hand up Delphine's back pulling her closer. Delphine decided not to go into that any further. For a brief moment they forgot about he consequences of their actions.  
The ringing noise of Delphine's phone brought them back into reality. Having one arm still wrapped around Sarah's waist she reached out for her phone. When she looked at the display the sadness returned to her face.  
"Cosima?," Sarah asked.  
"Yeah," she responded and picked up, slightly loosening the grip around Sarah's body. "Hello, Cosima." A little pause. "Non, I'm still at work." Another longer pause. "Yes, that's okay. I'll be there soon. Don't worry. It's fine. Bye." She hung up and looked at Sarah. "She just told me that you're out and that she's got the whole loft to herself. She wants to talk."  
"And you're going to see her?," Sarah wriggled herself free from Delphine's arms.  
"I think it's better if I do."  
"And what am I supposed to do? Have you forgotten that I live there too?"  
"I wasn't planning on staying long."  
"Do you want to break up with her?," Sarah said with her eyes widened in shock.  
"Non, of course not. But I have to speak to her, she doesn't deserve to be ignored any longer."  
"So what are you gonna say?"  
"I will tell her that everything is fine, that she shouldn't worry."  
"Delphine, nothing is fine. How can you…"  
"I can't possibly tell her the truth. As long as she thinks everything is fine between us, you and I can work things out," she paused and looked at Sarah, "I'm sorry but that's my plan."  
"How can you tell her that everything is fine when…when we just…," Sarah couldn't finish her sentence.  
"I'm not proud of what I've done but this isn't the first time I've hidden a part of who I am."  
"Yeah? And how long did it take for your camouflage to blow up the last time? A week? Two? Refresh my memory, would you."  
"That's enough time for us to work it out."  
"There is no way to work this out!" Sarah was yelling now. "Why don't you just tell me to fuck off and never talk to me again. Don't be such a bloody coward, I can handle that. Just do it."  
"I can't!" Delphine grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the glass windows, their faces inches apart. "And you know why."  
Taken aback by the situation Sarah fell silent for a moment. She just stared back into Delphine's eyes, making an effort not to blink before she did. "So, what are you gonna do now? Kiss me against your fancy glass windows," she said smugly.  
"Putain," Delphine growled and let go of her.  
"What?"  
"Forget it. I'm going to see Cosima now, since you can't come with me and I can't leave you in here alone I propose I'll have someone drive you to my place for the time being."  
"Nice try, Cormier. Are you sure that's such a good idea?"  
"If you have a good explanation why you should be in the loft too then, please, come with me," she raised her eyebrows questioningly.  
"Very funny. Ha. Ha. Why can't I just wait here?"  
"Security protocol."  
Sarah rolled her eyes. "I really think it's a bad idea, Delphine. Just drop me of a few blocks from the loft, I'll find a bar or something."  
"D'accord. Let's go then."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry that this is so late. Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. It really means a lot! I had so much fun writing this fic. Thanks, Cloneclub!!

Sarah didn't go to a bar. That would result in her getting drunk and probably doing things she'd regret the next morning. Plus, she had to take Kira to school tomorrow and she wouldn't miss that for the world. Shortly after Delphine had vanished in the loft she snuck up the outside stairs on to the little patio in front of the entrance door. She sat down against the wall in the far corner so that she would be out of sight should Delphine decide to take Cosima home with her. This way any awkward conversations were prevented.  
And indeed it didn't take long for the door to open. The fluorescent light from the small hallway lit up a small part of the patio. Sarah held her breath but it was only Delphine who emerged from the building.  
"How did it go?"  
Delphine jumped. "Putain! Sarah," she whispered," are you out of your mind? You really scared me."  
Sarah smirked. "Sorry. So? What happened in there?"

"Hey," Cosima's face lit up as she opened the door. Delphine entered and waited for her to latch it with the screwdriver. Cosima's hand rested on the tool and she slowly turned her head towards Delphine. "Thank you," she exhaled and stepped closer to her. "Can I hug you?"  
"Oh, Cosima," Delphine stumbled forward and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. Now she understood what Sarah had talked about. Cosima's total obliviousness made her disgusted with herself. The way she blindly devoted herself to their relationship was deeply moving but at the same time she hated herself for what she did. Cosima did deserve someone better but ending the relationship would destroy her. Her small hands held onto Delphine and it felt like she was hanging onto her for dear life.  
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry."  
"It's fine. Don't worry. You don't have to be sorry." Delphine cradled the back of her head and pressed her body closer inhaling the familiar scent. So different from Sarah's.  
"I've missed you," Cosima whispered.  
Delphine held her close and softly kissed her cheek. Slowly, Cosima let go of her and adjusted her glasses. Her dreads were up in a bun and she had a blanket draped over her shoulders. Delphine noticed the open laptop on the couch table.  
"Were you working?"  
"Oh, nah. Not at this time. I was watching this stupid TV show, with Sarah actually, and now I was just getting ready for bed."  
"Is Sarah not here?," she glanced around the flat.  
"No, she uhm… she left a while ago. She said she needed 'some air'", Cosima air-quoted the last two words.  
"Oh okay."  
"Yeah, she's been weird lately, probably stress or something. Can I get you something to drink?"  
Delphine was glad that Cosima didn't seem to bother with Sarah's weird behavior. "Maybe just a water, I cannot stay long. I have a meeting tomorrow and I still have to go through some documents."  
"Sure, no problem."  
They sat down on the couch and Cosima nestled her head in Delphine's shoulder, resting her hand on her thigh. "Are we really okay?"  
"Yes, we are," Delphine cradled the back of her hand.  
"Promise?," Cosima lifted her head up facing her.  
"I promise."  
Cosima smiled her warm, endearing smile and leaned in to kiss her. Her hands found the back of Delphine's neck and she felt the longing in Cosima's touches. She kissed her back, mechanically, but her head was not here in the loft but back in her bedroom with someone else's kissing her lips. She raised her hand and expected to run it through messy brown hair but instead she found Cosima's dreads and was catapulted back into reality.  
"Mmmh, I kinda missed this," Cosima murmured. "Do you really have to go?"  
She forced a smile, "I'm afraid I have to."  
"And what about tomorrow. I know for a fact the Fe will be out and I'm sure I can convince Sarah to visit S with Kira. Or we could always go to your place."  
Cosima really was eager to see her again as soon as possible. She forced another smile "I'll see what I can do, okay?"  
"Alright."  
"I guess I better get going."  
"Yep, absolutely. It's late."  
They kissed again, and Delphine though of Sarah again. When Cosima removed the screwdriver she paused for a moment. "You would tell me if there was anything between us, right?"  
"Of course, you can trust me," Delphine kissed her again and turned away, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. 

"See. I told you she is noticing that something's off. Cosima is not an idiot," Sarah said. Delphine had pretty much recounted the entire conversation between her and Cosima.  
"I know. But as long as she isn't suspecting that we… you know… as long as she thinks it's only about me we are fine."  
"Please, will you stop saying that things are fine! They are not," Sarah hissed. She couldn't risk talking loudly near to loft because the walls weren't that thick.  
"They are fine for now. We've got time."  
"We?"  
"Well, yes. I mean… I, you," Delphine was interrupted by the creaking of the metal steps that led to the loft. They both turned and recognized Felix making his way upstairs. He looked tired but at the sight of the two his eyes lit up in surprise. "Well, well, well if it isn't my favorite sister with her DYAD rendez-vous."  
Delphine's face derailed. "He knows?," there was a certain trace of hysteria in her voice.  
"He's my brother, he knows everything about me."  
"Don't worry, darling," Felix had reached the top of the stairs now, "I'm good at keeping secrets." He winked at Delphine who was completely speechless. "Did I interrupt you two?," he asked.  
"No, Delphine was just about to leave," Sarah responded looking at her decisively.  
"Yes, indeed I was," Delphine said, " have a good night you two." Without looking at Sarah again she went down the stairs slamming the metal gate at the foot of the stairs shut.  
"Oh my, I guess she wasn't about to leave just yet," Felix remarked after the rattle subsided.  
"Not really, no," Sarah smirked, " but I'm happy she's gone for now. That girl is making me go crazy. Anyway, where have you been?"  
"Out…," he paused and gave Sarah a meaningful look.  
"Nevermind, spare me the details. Uh, Fe, if Cos asks where I've been can I just tell her that I ran into you while I was taking a walk and we ended up having a drink."  
"Whatever, just make sure you resolve your lesbian drama as soon as possible, I'm starting to feel bad for your sister." 

Sarah was rolling from one side to the other. Sleeping was impossible even though she had turned the lights out hours ago. She could hear birds chirping outside of the window and groaned in agony. A glance to her phone told her that she had to be ready to take Kira to school in less than an hour.  
"Fuck it," she murmured. After getting dressed she went into the kitchen to prepare Kira's lunch. While slurping a coffee she scrolled through her phone waiting for a message from her. A little sign that she still cared after last night's rough good-bye, just a little something to let her know she wasn't that mad. Nothing. Still a little sleepy she woke her daughter and made her breakfast.  
"Do you have everything?," she asked as they were about to leave.  
Kira nodded.  
"Sure?"  
"Yes mommy."  
"Good, 'cause I don't feel like walking back again for your pencil case, like last Friday."  
"I got it," Kira responded and opened the door.  
The walk to the school was only a few blocks and Sarah enjoyed having a little mom-and-daughter-time. After all, they still had a lot to catch up on.  
"Why were you out so much?," her daughter asked as they had turned the corner of their street.  
"I was busy, I had to talk to people."  
"What people?"  
"Nothing important."  
"Was it about your sisters?"  
"Yeah, some of it. But listen, monkey, you don't have to worry. I won't be out as much, I promise."  
Kira didn't respond but stared at the pavement in front of her. Sarah felt bad for not telling her the truth but how could she? Kira was a child and she didn't need to know about her mothers escapades. They silently walked the rest of the way hand in hand.  
"All right, here we are. Have fun. I'll pick you up later."  
"Bye mommy," they hugged and Sarah watched her until she disappeared into the building.  
Just as she was turning around to head back home, she noticed the familiar car on the other side of the street. It was her. Doubtlessly. She wore black sunglasses and hid behind the sun shield on the driver's side. Sarah walked over. The passenger door opened.  
"So are you finally monitoring two subjects?" her hand rested on the door frame.  
"Very funny. Come on, get in."  
Sarah obliged and sat down in the passenger seat. "About last night…"  
"It's fine, I…"  
"I swear, if you say that once more, I'm going to bash your head in," Sarah couldn't hide a grin flashing over her face.  
"Okay," Delphine couldn't help but grin back. Sarah's accent paired with a bad conscience was just too much. "But it was probably for the best. Imagine if she would have discovered us talking outside of the loft."  
"Yeah… that would have been shite. So anyways, to what do I owe the pleasure?"  
"We weren't done talking yesterday."  
"So you thought it best to abduct me after I bring my daughter to school?"  
"I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor." Delphine buckled up and started the engine.  
"Where are we going? DYAD?"  
"Are you out if your mind? Non, I figured we'd get some coffee and then take a walk."  
"A walk?"  
"Yes a walk."  
"I'm not fifty, Delphine. I'm not taking a walk."  
She did take a walk.  
20 minutes later Sarah clutched a cardboard cup and walked along the shore of the lake. The skyscrapers of the downtown area were glistening in the sunlight and she noticed that she hadn't been in this part of the city in a long while.  
"Well, we're walking now," Sarah squinted because of the sunlight," what did you want to talk about?"  
Delphine smiled. "Actually, I'm not sure."  
"This is great, you don't know what you want to say, and yet you drag me along this bloody stroll."  
"You're a little cute when you're all grumpy like that."  
"Okay, you need to stop," Sarah pushed her shoulder with her free hand. They continued to walk in silence and Sarah let her eyes wander over the water. After a while she noticed an empty bench on a boardwalk right by the water. "Do you wanna sit down for a second?" Delphine nodded.  
Sarah was toying with her now empty cup when suddenly, Delphine began to speak.  
"It's funny how everything turned upside down in only two days."  
"Yeah…"  
"I mean, two days ago all I had to worry about was illegal cloning experiments and fatal auto-immune diseases."  
"You forgot Rachel."  
Delphine chuckled, "Yes, and Rachel."  
"But right now, I… I don't know what to think."  
"I think I know what you mean."  
"We can't continue this, Sarah."  
Sarah looked out on the calm lake and swallowed to stop her throat from closing up. "I know."  
"If it weren't for Cosima, trust me…"  
"You don't have to find excuses. And for the record, I imagine you were never supposed to shag any of your subjects in the first place, so even if it weren't for Cosima it would still be problematic."  
"Yes.. all of the monitors kind of messed that part up."  
"What?"  
"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"  
"How do you know that?"  
"Know what?"  
"That ALL of them messed up. Who told you about Paul and me?"  
"Oh," she smirked. "Well, technically we're colleagues so…"  
"Wow. That is just messed up. I don't even wanna know how those meetings go down. Do you exchange tips on what turns us on?"  
"Sarah, come on."  
"This is so stupid," she shook her head in disbelief. "Anyways, we were talking about something else," she paused. "We can't do this, I know but…," the lump in her throat was growing again.  
"…but you don't want to stop," Delphine finished her sentence.  
"Yeah." Sarah turned her head away from her and ran her finger through her hair. "I'm sorry, Delphine. I can't do this right now," she got up and started walking away.  
"I don't want it to stop either." She said it quietly. For a split second Sarah was wondering if her ears had betrayed her. She jerked to a halt and turned around.  
"How, Delphine? Tell me, how is this going to work out?"  
"I don't know but we'll figure it out," she started walking towards Sarah. "I will take time but we'll manage."  
"I can't…," she felt the tears stinging in her eyes.  
Delphine had closed up to her. "I don't what this to end," she breathed.  
"This? What is this even? What are we? Fuckbuddies? Certainly not girlfriends! God, this is just bullshit," Sarah voice rose in hysteria. A jogger passed by them and looked curiously. "Take a picture, pal. It'll last longer," Sarah yelled after him and he quickly went on. Her eyes found Delphine's again who brushed Sarah's fingers with hers.  
"Don't," Sarah closed her eyes. Suddenly, she felt Delphine's body against hers, she held her tight, resting her chin on her shoulder. "Please, Sarah." The familiar scent was comforting her. Almost automatically Sarah softly pushed her away at arms length.  
"I don't regret anything that has happened between us. But Cosima is my sister. I can't to that to her. We both love her in our own way. Maybe we would have worked out under different circumstances. I won't ever forget this," and with that she placed one last lingering kiss on Delphine's lips and walked away not looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. I am sorry for any inconveniences that this may cause.


End file.
